My COVID19 Manifesto...
Updated: Apr 1, 2020
Holy hell this is getting crazy! Everyone is doing what they can to get the information they need to survive. I am not offering any advice here. I have no recommendations here. I am merely speaking from the heart.
This has been rough.
It may be my control issues creeping in because every day is a shocking reminder that none of us have ANY control. Control is an illusion.
It may be that I have grown accustomed to my alone time. I love to sit and eat my lunch while watching Golden Girls without a lightsaber battle happening in the living room.
Or... It maybe that I am more extroverted than I thought.
The main issue I have had through this is anger. I am angry. I am pissed for no good reason and I am having a hard time letting it go.
Springtime is growth and also when liver energy comes up. Liver in Chinese medicine is anger, irritation and trouble unwinding.
Yes, Yes and YES!
I know I should be meditating. I should be grounding to nature. I should be enjoying my home and family. I should be grateful.
I know all the things I should do to make myself feel better.
But like a little pissy kid I yell, "BUT I DON'T WANNA!"
We all have our weaknesses. I am not afraid to share them. I have lived through hard times in my life. Harder than this.
So, I know I will get through this. We will all get through this.
Where do I find hope?
Our bodies are so wise and we can do better.
Patience with breath.
We are shaking up our normal. Change is good.
Loving on the humans in front of me (cat included).
The highest vibrations rise to the top.
Being ok with not being ok.
Studying my passion.
So I write...
Writing gives me an outlet for all the unmanageable emotions. Instead of crying for the fourth time in one day, I will bitch and moan within the interwebs and hope that someone out there can relate.
Writing is very cathartic. Under these insane circumstances, I feel I have lost my voice- not as a mother, not as a wife, but as a human on this planet.
What I have written will not be everyone's cup of tea. My creative writing teacher in high school called me a nihilist. I suppose that piece of me is always simmering but I have become more hopeful with age.
Heck, maybe I should stick to recipes, essential oils and zoom call pilates classes.
But, I'm not, so here it goes...
We have essentially been told by our government, "Go to your room!"
As a mother, I realize that this does not come out of nowhere. Ideally, every action leading up to this breaking point was a choice that we, the people, made.
We choose stress, EMF, oil, pesticides, drugs, avoidance, indulgence, fear.
We weaken our immune system. We weaken our will.
So, when we are told to go to our room, we rightfully deserve it.
Remember after 911 how they had color codes for heightened states of terrorism?
Red was a top terror.
Orange was pretty terrifying.
And Yellow was just scary.
For a while, they would give us the color warning.
"Today is an Orange Day. Be aware of your surroundings!"
"Today is a heightened state of awareness - It’s Red!"
But after a while they were like, "Fuck it! We’re gonna live in Yellow and always be afraid at all times!"
With this virus, I am afraid that is what will become of our future.
A new state of fear. Do we stop hugging? Do we stop shaking hands?
They shut down the world. THE WORLD! What keeps them from doing it again?
What will be acceptable numbers to shut down the world again?
What will they mandate next?
What if it wasn’t a virus that was spreading, but an idea? A Revolution?
What if we turn this around and instead of doing all the things that sent us to our room, we choose differently?
Could we do it?
Could we get ourselves healthy in our minds and in our bodies so that we do not need their drugs, their vaccines, their fears?
Do we have what it takes to truly be brave before we lose our freedom?
I think we are a long way from this.
But one can hope.