Holy Hell, I'm Homeschooling...
Let's be honest, we are all homeschooling now!
I knew it would happen one day. I knew I would be a homeschool mom, eventually. I am just enough hippy and just enough warrior that I may be able to pull this off.
When the shit went down in March, I will admit, I lost it. I went full-on doomsday. It took me months to form a nice, cushy, warm denial bubble. This bubble has allowed me to go into stores and not freak out at the apocalyptic feel of my surroundings. I can pretend we are on a sweet staycation, and all is well.
September is creeping up, and now I have to pop my cozy denial bubble and think about Max and how the heck he is going to learn anything this upcoming school year.
He was attending public school. When we suddenly went remote, our school was not prepared. I think I spent more time cursing and crying over the curriculum than I did teaching my child. So when it came to signing up for the 20/21 school year, it was a hard pass.
Plus, there are too many variables. What will be required of them if they enter the school? Masks? No masks? Virtual or non? Will they ever go back to full days? If so, what will they expect of my 7-year-old?
I made the decision one week ago to homeschool, and this week our public school announced they will be going all virtual, leaving some parents to scramble to find options for their children. I am feeling pretty grateful right now.
I won't lie, turning in transfer papers to admit homeschooling did not feel great. I have a crazy lump in my heart just thinking about having full control of my child's learning.
As much as I bitched and moaned about the school system, there was a comfort in having faith that they were doing right by my child. I hoped that when I dropped off Max at those doors, his teachers were spending the whole day molding him into a wonderful individual.
Now, I have to find curriculum, social organizations, babysitters/tutors. It is a lot!
I am now going down the rabbit hole of what curriculum to choose. There are so many. My head is spinning. My neighbor, Michelle, said something to me that helped.
She said, "There are no wrong choices. There may be better out there, but there are no wrong choices."
I keep thinking about that as I look over options. I know I often think I am doing wrong. I am terrified to choose wrong. Will I forever change my child into a dumb bag of rocks? Who knows, time will tell.
As a family, we will choose a curriculum that fits Max's personality and what works best for whoever will be teaching him. God knows it won't be me. I can teach him life. I teach him about laughter, and morals, and etiquette, and nutrition, and how to roll on the floor without getting hurt. I can't teach him math or English. At least, not now.
I started a job right before this pandemonium. I love my job, and I am not quitting for homeschooling. Acknowledging that hurts. As a mom, I have weird mom guilt. Guilt based on sexist beliefs. Sexist beliefs like men work because they have to and women work because they want to. These are not my husband's beliefs. They are not my beliefs, but they creep into my mind.
As a mom, my job is to be the best mom I can be. I know, being a happy mom will make for a happy child. Working makes me happy. I won't apologize for that, and no one is asking me to. I know my boys love that I am happy and respect that my learning and growing makes me a better wife and mother.
So, if that means I have to super organize Max's week so I can keep working, then I will organize all of the things. If it means I work to pay for the cost of childcare that I wouldn't need if I weren't working, so be it. It may not make sense on paper, but it works for our family.
I have ripped off the homeschool bandaid, and now I have to figure this shit out. Many have done it before me. I am not alone. And there are no wrong choices. So, wish me luck and hope to heck I don't raise a bag of rocks.